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Beliefs vs Intimacy

May 02, 2012 By Martha Wright

When I was 12 my mother called me selfish.

It is amazing the lasting power of the words your parents say to you when you are young. The labels that get placed on certain behavior, and the taunting power those labels retain so many years later. I am sure I was doing something I shouldn't have been doing, and I am also sure my mother was judging her own parenting in that moment. However, I decided to prove that it was true.

We all decide to live beliefs from our childhoods. Beliefs that we are smart or stupid; good or bad; better than others or less than others. These beliefs join together to form our ‘conditioning’, or the context through which we experience our interactions and relationships. None of our beliefs are true. None. They keep us trapped in a caricature, acting out a part in our jobs, friendships and relationships, limiting our range of emotion, and trapping us in a state of approval or disapproval. Over time we lose our connection to our partners and families. We start settling for 'ok' in our relationships because we do not know how to share what is really going on inside of us. We tell ourselves that this happens to everyone; that everyone loses passion, as they get older. We stop being intimate. We become mildly depressed. And we have a harder time finding the joy in our relationships with others.

So, what happens if we give up those beliefs? What if we decide to stop performing our life and to start living it? What truths would we need to embrace? First of all, we would need to embrace the truth that we are not our conditioning. We do not belong to a finite group of republicans or democrats, people who think money is good or people who think money is bad, or even people who do the ‘right’ thing, and people who do the ‘wrong’ thing. We are connected to every person in the world. We have felt all the same feelings. We have had most everyone's thoughts. We may be unique, but we are not different. We are not separate, no matter how much we pretend to be.

On May 22nd I will conduct a 2-hour evening seminar at the Nassau Inn called Defenseless Intimacy, which will give you practical tools to begin dissolving the traps and limits of your conditioning. You will learn how to share whatever you feel and think without creating negativity or blame. You will experience what it is like to feel free of the constraints of your point of view or any point of view. Imagine that.

Martha Wright is a Life Coach and seminar leader with over 20 years experience designing and teaching life skills in Fortune 500 companies around the world. She lives in Princeton NJ. Follow her on Facebook and twitter. https://www.wrightlifecoach.com.

Moderated by Martha Wright.

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